why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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