Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
