I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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