The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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