you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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