It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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