Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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