I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
