Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
