We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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