He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
