I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
