I'm drive I can fine osifer
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
