It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
