my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
high people should be assigned attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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