we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
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She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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