He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
