God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
