He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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