if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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