meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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it's like heaven, but drunker
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
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I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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