I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
