Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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