3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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