Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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