I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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