theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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