i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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