just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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