That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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