he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
