i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
