I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
