The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize