This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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