I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
