I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
