The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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