Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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