You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
