I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
