sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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