You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My life is pants optional.
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