Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
