I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i dont even know how to be here
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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