Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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