I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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