i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
