God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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