I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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