White coat. Heels.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
