How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
