i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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