M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
