You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pants are for mortals
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Help. Why am I so naked?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
