If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
