i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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