There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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