Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
