I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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