i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
